Unsolicited Advice

Don't watch Avatar...that's three hours of your life you're NEVER getting back.

Take care of your teeth. You can do this by avoiding cavity-causing items like peanut brittle, crack, or crystal meth.

Don't trust anyone named Ray. Or Lee. (First, middle, or last name.)

Cheese holds the world together...remember that. Ask any baked potato and they'll tell you the same.

Don't subject yourself to bad music. The easiest way to do this is to stick with artists who debuted before the year 2000.

"Never, ever believe anyone when they tell you that shaving your pubic hair will rid you of a crab infestation." --Scary Movie

If you plan on doing anything stupid or illegal with your life, do it early on. Before you get a permanent record.

Learn how to use diplomacy. This is the ability to tell a person "go to Hell" in such a way that they look forward to the journey.

READ. Read everything in sight.

Before you get offended by something you see or hear, develop a sense of humor.

"Everybody sucks. Everybody." --Abbey Schrader

It is never a good idea to use Nair on anything but your legs. (A friend called me whilst in a lot of pain once...)

Orgasms release endorphins. Remember that the next time you're stressed out.

Watch more cartoons...like Futurama.

Don't trust the government. Period.

And most importantly: if something upsets you, either laugh it off, or get mad enough to do something about it!